Friday, August 1, 2014

How to Lose and Find Your Engagement Ring in Ten Easy Steps

Younger Sister has devised these easy steps for you to follow:

1. When a slight medical condition messes with your hands, decide not to get the ring sized for fear it won't come off if your hand swells.  And then surround yourself with people who don't mention there are such things as ring guards.  Or just never get around to figuring all that out because you're all over-the-moon and stuff.  Additionally--and this will be important later--lose one of the ring's little diamond chips and don't replace it.

2. Pick a cool April evening to meet up with friends at a baseball game.  You know, the kind of chilly evening that makes your hands cold and makes your fingers shrink after you've been out there for hours.

2A. Prior to that, attend an event that is sure to help you keep your wits about you.

3. After the game ends, take the Metro home.

4. Walk in the door very late and night and look down at your ringless hand.  (My sister is not a weepie like me but there might have been screaming.  Her housemate probably is sworn to secrecy but I'll get it out of her during one of our pre-wedding get-togethers, I'm sure.)

4A. E-mail your mom because you figure she's gone to bed already so she won't be alarmed until morning.  (YS obviously was not thinking clearly because she didn't remember how late many of the time-stamps are on the e-mails we get from Mom.  Once Mom read the e-mail, she did not sleep well!)

5. The following day, get the word out.  EVERYWHERE.  The stadium, the metro, everyone you meet.  Especially if they can offer to pray for you.  Our mom hit St. Anthony up hard and she was not alone.  In addition to St. Anthony, I hit up the patron saint and namesake of the parish where I was cantoring the following Saturday.  I just knew someone had found the ring and prayed whoever found it would do the right thing.

6. After a few days, start looking into filing a claim with the ring's insurer.  Groan at the deductible.  Joke that your fiance' should propose to you all over again when you get the replacement ring.

7. Browse the Lost and Found section in your regional CraigsList site after your usual cruise through Missed Connections.  (What? They're weird and occasionally amusing.)

8.  Read a "Found" post about a ring found near the Metro station near your home.  Calm yourself down and contact the person with a description and photos including mention of the missing chip. WE HAVE A MATCH!

9.  Hear the amazing story of how this guy went jogging Sunday morning and saw something sparkly on the ground near the Metro station.  Passed it by, thinking it was a SODA CAN TAB--and then heeded the feeling that he should go back and pick it up.  Marvel at this miracle that has made the jogger a hero in his sentimental wife's eyes.

10.  Go with your fiance' to retrieve your ring and express your gratitude.  Offer a reward and when the beaming couple refuses it, stick it on their mantelpiece on the way out the door.  And then continue to wave them off as you're in your car trying to leave and the lady is running to the curb trying to hand you back the reward (not the wisest thing to do in that particular neighborhood).  And then REJOICE because you and your ring have been Reunited.