It's Really Happening!

The good news has arrived at last and the wedding will be taking place this Fall!

Already I have noticed a change in YS, more willing to discuss things instead of cutting short any wedding talk (mostly out of frustration that nothing could be planned until they got the go-ahead).  That said, she still wants what she wants and really doesn't want to hear suggestions or recommendations.  O.K., now that I know that, I just have to remind myself to listen and just respond positively.  She's not really asking what I think or for any suggestions--unless she explicitly asks.  

And even then, most likely I'd double-check that's what she wants, before answering.


There is, however, one slight piece of bad news, and it's for me.


I am being "Sixteen-Candled" out of my 40th birthday.*  


What do I mean by that?

If you're familiar with the movie, you know that the poor teenage main character, Samantha, finds that what should have been an exciting milestone birthday for her is being steamrolled by her sister's wedding which is happening at the same time.  Her entire family forgets about it, completely.

On one Sunday in October, I will be reaching a pretty significant milestone. . . and the Saturday of that same week, my sister and her fiance' will be getting married.

I think you can guess which date will have the bigger turnout.  Oh, not that it's a competition; in fact, I tend to have very low expectations for my birthday.  There have been some really bad things that have happened on that particular day of the year--to the point where I'm not sure it's coincidental.  I'm talking about stuff like finding out a friend from high school died, seeing an ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend (a mutual friend supposedly!) only months after our spectacularly brutal breakup, an unexpected fight between the people who took me out to dinner.  It just appears to be my lot in life.  With birthdays like those, who needs 'em?

So maybe it's best that there's a big event happening the same week.  It just might deflect some of the "bad juju" that tends to come around at that time of the year.  

Or at the very least it will distract me from it!

 


*Should that be "Forty-Candled"? Sounds like a fire department call waiting to happen. . .

Best Thing Said at Thanksgiving

"This is the first thing going on our wall."
--YSF, after Younger Sister and he opened the house blessing

I made sure they opened it before anyone else arrived so they had time to look at it and then stow it somewhere it wouldn't get stomped.


Last night, I got a text saying it's up on the wall and how much they love it. With photo.

It looks fantastic.  I couldn't be more thrilled.

On Feeling Left Behind

In mid-September, I'd been sitting at my part-time work's desk and had just logged into my personal e-mail when I saw an e-mail from Younger Sister with this subject line:

"New Keys"


That meant only one thing: She'd bought a house.

Let me explain something about my sister: she wants to check things off her list.  She needs to accomplish things, drive ahead, or she will lose her mind.  It's not that she lacks patience; it's more that she wants to dust her hands together and say, "Ah, that's done!"

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her.  To a point.  I don't know how good idea it is to put your name and your not-yet-husband's name on the title to a house.  Because there's still no wedding date.  Things seem to be closer to a conclusion on YSF's paperwork, but it's not settled.  And so no one is scandalized, please understand that they're not moving into the same bedroom--he is in the basement apartment and the housemate/good friend with whom she'd been renting a place for the past several years is occupying the bedroom next to YS.

Anyway, as I was saying, I am happy for her.  But I felt a twinge as I read her e-mail and looked at all the photos of their preparations to move in.

The twinge said two things to me.

1. She's starting to settle into her own place, her own world, with her future husband, with plans for their future, probably their future children's futures, too.
   
2. She beat you to getting engaged, she beat you to owning your own home, she'll beat you getting married and having a family, too.  You're going to have nothing in common anymore.  She'll have her friends who are married and/or have kids, not to mention Older Brother and SIL, to talk about married people things and parent things. Oh, and homeowning things, too.

Is there some envy there?  Sure, a little.  But even more so, it's just this sense that I am falling farther and farther behind everyone I know.  Even my little sister.  And everyone has always put us side-by-side for comparison for as long as we've been sisters.  And I've always been the different one while she's been the standard.  Homeowning is another benchmark to which I do not measure up.

I may be the older one, but she's never let me lead the way.  Maybe it's better she hasn't followed me, come to think of it.  But even if she doesn't look up to me, at least I don't get the sense she looks down on me, either.  Not anymore anyway; she knows and is proud that I've come a long way.

Other people, not so much.  I'm not looking forward to the questions and noises of pity, or having to explain.  

It's a guilty pleasure, but I do watch 19 Kids and Counting occasionally, and I just felt for poor Jana, the eldest sister, during the one episode in which all the sisters and other women in Jill's wedding party did a trial hairstyling at the salon.  Jana was (is) not married or even engaged.  Also the maid of honor, like me.  (At least she's like 15 years younger than I am.)

Hairstylist: Are you dating anybody right now?
Jana: Mmm-mm. (shakes her head with a little smile, almost rolling her eyes) 
Hairstylist: Just livin' the single life. 
Jana:  Yep. I am good.
[Cut to side interview]
Jana: I'm good.  Whenever that time comes, hopefully I'll be prepared.  But I- I'm good with just waiting right now.

Gracious in her responses, but you can tell she was tired of being looked at a certain way and asked questions like that.  

I have to practice doing that.

I know it won't be the same after YS is married.  At least not until--unless--I catch up.

I miss her already.

  

 

How to Lose and Find Your Engagement Ring in Ten Easy Steps

Younger Sister has devised these easy steps for you to follow:

1. When a slight medical condition messes with your hands, decide not to get the ring sized for fear it won't come off if your hand swells.  And then surround yourself with people who don't mention there are such things as ring guards.  Or just never get around to figuring all that out because you're all over-the-moon and stuff.  Additionally--and this will be important later--lose one of the ring's little diamond chips and don't replace it.

2. Pick a cool April evening to meet up with friends at a baseball game.  You know, the kind of chilly evening that makes your hands cold and makes your fingers shrink after you've been out there for hours.

2A. Prior to that, attend an event that is sure to help you keep your wits about you.

3. After the game ends, take the Metro home.

4. Walk in the door very late and night and look down at your ringless hand.  (My sister is not a weepie like me but there might have been screaming.  Her housemate probably is sworn to secrecy but I'll get it out of her during one of our pre-wedding get-togethers, I'm sure.)

4A. E-mail your mom because you figure she's gone to bed already so she won't be alarmed until morning.  (YS obviously was not thinking clearly because she didn't remember how late many of the time-stamps are on the e-mails we get from Mom.  Once Mom read the e-mail, she did not sleep well!)

5. The following day, get the word out.  EVERYWHERE.  The stadium, the metro, everyone you meet.  Especially if they can offer to pray for you.  Our mom hit St. Anthony up hard and she was not alone.  In addition to St. Anthony, I hit up the patron saint and namesake of the parish where I was cantoring the following Saturday.  I just knew someone had found the ring and prayed whoever found it would do the right thing.

6. After a few days, start looking into filing a claim with the ring's insurer.  Groan at the deductible.  Joke that your fiance' should propose to you all over again when you get the replacement ring.

7. Browse the Lost and Found section in your regional CraigsList site after your usual cruise through Missed Connections.  (What? They're weird and occasionally amusing.)

8.  Read a "Found" post about a ring found near the Metro station near your home.  Calm yourself down and contact the person with a description and photos including mention of the missing chip. WE HAVE A MATCH!

9.  Hear the amazing story of how this guy went jogging Sunday morning and saw something sparkly on the ground near the Metro station.  Passed it by, thinking it was a SODA CAN TAB--and then heeded the feeling that he should go back and pick it up.  Marvel at this miracle that has made the jogger a hero in his sentimental wife's eyes.

10.  Go with your fiance' to retrieve your ring and express your gratitude.  Offer a reward and when the beaming couple refuses it, stick it on their mantelpiece on the way out the door.  And then continue to wave them off as you're in your car trying to leave and the lady is running to the curb trying to hand you back the reward (not the wisest thing to do in that particular neighborhood).  And then REJOICE because you and your ring have been Reunited.  

 

About Those Wedding Expo Things. . .

. . . They really do vary widely.

I didn't get the chance to sit down and write the rundown on the first bridal/wedding show my mom and I attended in August.  Or, now that I think about it, was it that I just didn't care to because there hadn't been much that appealed to us?

I mean, everyone we talked to was nice, and I really liked the liquor vendor (not just because he gave me a glass a wine! He was friendly and knowledgeable!) and the photographer whose cute daughter sold lemonade for Alex's Lemonade Stand.  But the actual venue, a mansion with beautiful grounds but a chopped-up interior and creaky floors, left us cold.

The place where we were last weekend, however, felt completely different.  It even managed to win me over in spite of how rotten I felt with a lousy head cold which rendered me not in a particularly good mood to tolerate crowds.

To set the scene, we had to descend to the "Ballroom" which had not only a main floor but also an upper level and a built-in stage.  The stage had a DJ/emcee and from time to time had ladies modeling wedding dresses walking across it as well.

Before we went down to the ballroom, I was handed a little woven bag and a card where I was supposed to have the various vendors sign as I visited them.  After I visited everyone, I had to turn in the completed card for a raffle drawing.

I also was handed a big pink "Bride-to-Be" badge which I pinned on my sweater. Hey, if I had to impersonate Younger Sister, I had to do it all, right?

(Of course, much later in the day, after receiving some odd looks at the drugstore, I realized I hadn't taken it off!)

Down in the ballroom, there was an outer circle of tables as well as an inside circle.  Interspersed among the tables were food stations--the hot food ones staffed by very friendly employees, who served me tasty veggies; my mom, steak.  We also liked the crostini at what I later determined were cheese tables, although the crostini had just tasty olive tapenade.

So onward we went, looking at photo books and linens, talking to DJs and tuxedo reps (hey, we found a possible provider of tails and a top hat, if YSF isn't kidding), and smelling lots of sugar from the cake and candy samples.  I stuffed samples and logo'd trinkets in my bag, at some point acquiring a second bag from a limo/bus service.  We talked to the event coordinators and while I couldn't make an appointment with them, I explained (as YS) that my sister lived out of state and her opinion was so important to me that I would be making an appointment as soon as she had plans to come visit.

I made mental notes of who seemed nice and clued in; Mom already had in mind her favorite cake despite a yet-to-be-tasted sample placed in my one bag.  There also was the "candy lady" who had me at "Chocolate Fountain."

It was so easy to get caught up in looking at things and talking to people that we were surprised when we got to the end of the line that many people had left.  It was, after all, about one o'clock.  Football games were starting.

But then the event coordinators started drawing names for the prizes.  It was interesting to see brides win gift bags and free services--and then they drew the final, very large prize.  Over $200 in gift certificates.

They called my (I mean, my sister's) name!

If they hadn't required that you be 21 (and therefore show I.D.) I would have just smiled and said thank you.  But I felt I had to be honest and explain to the general manager, a genial Latino man, that I was there as a proxy for YS.  He said it was no problem and in fact if I wanted, he could split the certificate in two for us and change it to restaurant credits (there are a few in this facility) so I could bring YS to try out some things.  He handed me his card and told me to give him a call after we decided.  So nice.

A few days ago, I sorted through the pamphlets and trinkets and laid them out.

The pamphlets, I filed; the trinkets (candy included) I shipped to YS.

And I kept the larger of the two bags.  I probably will be using it to shlep stuff for the bride on the big day!

Obviously, it's going to be up to the bride and groom (and the date once set) where the reception will take place, but I do hope they will consider this place.  I really enjoyed the friendly staff, the tasty food, and the setting.

But in the meantime, Mom and I are keeping our eyes peeled for more of these bridal events! Whee!

(Edited 10/06/2013 to fix the typo/missing verb in the last paragraph.)
  

Not in the Running for Photography Options

This "invention."

However, YS did say she was open to Veil-cam (and, I dunno, Bowler-cam?). . .

 

A Question and a Promise

Younger Sister finally "popped the question"--although really it isn't fair to say "finally."

It's not her fault.  She had no idea there would be some required paperwork on the part of her fiance'.  It's not exactly his fault, either--he never thought he'd end up marrying, well, someone like her.  It's not my place to discuss all that business, but to sum it up: They can't set a date yet.

Which must be torture when the first question asked EVERY TIME the engagement ring is spotted is, "When's the big day?"  I've already seen YS get absolutely hounded by someone (well-meaning) on facebook.  

Plus, when you can't set a date, you can't really plan much of anything.  That's even more torture for a practical planner like YS (typical Taurus--plus they want to get to the party part pronto).

So Friday night, as I was texting YS to tell her about the interesting attire of some of the guests at the wedding I cantored that afternoon (blue flaming skulls shirt! 6-inch stiletto heels! Not on the same person!), she wrote back asking me to be her Maid of Honor--"whenever" she gets married.

Little did she know that after dinner, I cracked open my fortune cookie containing the following prediction: "You or a close friend will be married soon."

I don't think you can get a better promise from the Universe than that!

Naturally I texted that to her verbatim right away.  And I mailed the little slip of paper to her today so she knows it's legit.  

So part of my MOH job is already in play: reassurance.